Recruiting: For Parents, Some Do’s and Don’t’s

During my more than three decades coaching at the university level and several years working in college-recruiting consulting through Robbie Consulting, there’s one question I hear consistently from families navigating the rowing recruiting process: How can parents best help their student-athlete, and what should they avoid?

It sounds like a simple question, but the answer is nuanced because every university coach, recruiting coordinator, and staff operates differently. Still, there are several guiding principles that can help families navigate the process effectively while empowering their athlete to succeed.

Parent Involvement Matters

As a general rule, parent involvement in the recruiting process is not only appropriate, it’s important. In many ways, it is critically important.

Choosing a university is one of the biggest decisions a young athlete will make. Most rowers are only 17 or 18 years old when they commit to a program, and some receive verbal offers as early as 16. Families are making decisions that involve academics, athletics, finances, personal growth, and future career opportunities. Parents absolutely should be engaged and informed throughout the process.

The key is understanding how to be involved in a productive and supportive way.

Understanding the Recruiting Visit

Questions about parent involvement arise most often during official and unofficial visits. Since every coaching staff structures visits differently, families should ask early in the process what portions of the visit are designed for parents and which are intended primarily for the recruit.

In most cases, coaches appreciate when parents attend academic meetings, campus tours, and athletic-facility tours. These are important opportunities for families to evaluate the overall university environment, academic-support systems, and resources available to student-athletes.

There are also moments during a visit, however, when it’s beneficial for the coaching staff to turn the experience over to current team members. Time spent with athletes—whether during meals, team gatherings, overnight stays, or informal conversations—allows recruits to experience the true culture of the program.

For parents, stepping back during these moments can be difficult. The instinct to check in every few hours is understandable. But allowing your son or daughter the space to experience campus life independently often leads to better long-term decision-making. Recruits need the opportunity to ask candid questions, observe team dynamics, and determine whether the environment feels genuinely like the right fit.

Attending Practices

Another common question involves attending team practices during visits.

Parents always should ask in advance whether there’s room to observe practice, either from the coaching launch or inside the erg room. Sometimes coaches welcome parent observers, while other times space limitations or safety considerations make it impractical.

The important thing is to respect the daily rhythm of the team. Coaches are balancing recruiting with training preparation, athlete management, and competition schedules. Flexibility and understanding from families are always appreciated.

Let the Athlete Lead the Conversation

Phone calls and video meetings with coaches are another area where balance is essential.

For early conversations, it’s perfectly acceptable for parents to be present. In fact, many families choose to sit nearby during initial calls so they can hear information firsthand and understand the process better.

At the same time, coaches want to get to know the student-athlete. They want to hear directly from the recruit about academic interests, rowing goals, personality, and motivations. The athlete should be the one leading the conversation.

One of the best approaches is for parents to remain available while allowing their son or daughter to take ownership of communication. On video calls, many parents stay off camera while the athlete speaks directly with the coaching staff. This creates an environment where the recruit can build confidence and communication skills while parents still remain informed and supportive.

The Goal: Support Without Overstepping

Typically, the most successful recruiting experiences involve a healthy partnership between athletes and parents. Families that provide guidance, perspective, organization, and emotional support can make an enormous positive impact throughout the process.

At the same time, college coaches are evaluating more than athletic performance. They’re also observing maturity, independence, communication skills, and how recruits handle themselves throughout recruiting interactions.

Parents do not need to disappear from the process. In fact, they should not. But the goal should be to support the athlete while allowing them gradually to take increasing ownership of their future.

In the end, recruiting is not simply about finding the fastest program or the biggest name. It’s about helping  young athletes find the university environment where they can thrive academically, athletically, and personally for the next four years and beyond.

Robbie Tenenbaum coached at the NCAA level for more than 30 years and spent eight years with the U.S. Junior National Team. Through Robbie Consulting, he now works with student-athletes and their families around the world, helping them navigate the university recruiting process and find the best academic and athletic fit.